


The Holy Fail

by knives4cash



Series: Pollination: The Bumblebee and White Rose [64]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Bumblebee - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Romantic Comedy, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 00:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5949360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knives4cash/pseuds/knives4cash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yang goes out on a limb and tries to handle the situation, but she finds herself in need of a helping hand. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Holy Fail

Amidst the ruins of the once grand dining hall stands that dude with the red hair and a katana-esque weapon. Must be that wee-a-boo prick Blake told me about before. Oh, wait, he’s actually got her down and out for the count! And it looks like she’s bleeding too! I’d better go in there and save her! But I’d better watch my step so that I don’t slip either. Safety first! 

“Get away from her!” I command as I leap into the dining hall, the once mighty Blake Belladonna laying at his feet as if she were some helpless damsel in distress. I’m guessing she put up a good fight. It’s not like she’d just take one swing at him, switch to her flimsy pistol, and just give up. 

“You are brave,” the prick acknowledges, turning to face me with his wee-a-boo sword. “But the day is mine! I have no quarrel with you, random stranger. Leave now, while you still have your limbs!” he attempts to intimidate.

It’s not gonna work. “You think I’m just gonna leave my girlfriend here with some random-” Oh, maybe he’s not so random, judging from that grin on his face. “Hey! Blake! Is this that wee-a-boo ex of yours?” 

With great shame, she gives a lowly nod. 

“What?! I’m not a- you bimbo! I’ll have your arm!” he totally lies as he launches himself at me. 

Which I’m totally down for. Always wanted to beat up Blake’s abusive ex! Must be my lucky day! He takes a stupid swing, which I block with one gauntlet. Awesome as always, I use my other gauntlet to punch him right in the crotch! 

Wow, he’s got a strong aura if he can handle all that dust! 

“Yang! He can absorb dust-based attacks! That’s his semblance!” Blake explains.

Oh. Well, isn’t that just dandy! “You know, I could use your help!” I shout to her as he swings again at me, which I dodge with a quick duck and jump out of his attack arc. 

“Can’t!” she informs me. “Too busy being all emotionally compromised over his psychotic profession of his love for me! Plus I kinda let him stab me in the gut.” 

“Is that where you got your needle fetis-?” I begin before Prickus Maximus takes a swing at me. 

“Back off, bimbo, she’s mine!” he shouts as I knock his blade aside with my left arm and power-slap him in the face. 

“Did you just _**SLAP**_ me?!” gawks at me, rubbing his cheek in disgrace. 

“Well, Blake said I couldn’t use dust-based attacks!” I reason. “So if I can’t beat you to death, I guess I’ll just slap you to death?” I attempt to formulate. “Or would you prefer to be stomped to death? I’m open to feedback.” 

“How dare you!” he screams as he lunges at me yet again. 

Getting in nice and close, I barely dodge his blade and konk him right in the nose! He leaps back in total fear. I think. He’s laughing, so I guess he’s just having a psychotic break? 

Huh, I can’t feel my left arm. Guess he nicked me. I’ll just have to slap him for it.

“You are beaten!” he decides. “The fight is mine, worth adversary! Now run away and let me have Blake all to myself!”

“It’ll take a lot more than a mere scratch to defeat me!” I yell back at him as I assume a defensive position in front of Blake, guarding my precious bae from this wee-a-boo loser. 

_**“A SCRATCH?!”**_ he and Blake both gawk. “Your arm’s off!” 

“No it isn’t!” I correct them. 

“Well what’s that, then?!” Mr. Prick demands, using his sword to point to my- 

Oh. Well, isn’t that just dandy. Guess I can’t use Ember Celica like this. Better grab Gambol Shroud.

“I’ve had worse!” I inform him as I take Blake’s blade into my right hand. Almost slipped in my girlfriend’s blood, too. Better be careful, since I’m now spraying like a fountain. 

_“You liar!”_ he spits in disbelief.

“C’mon, you wee-a-boo!” I challenge, leaping into the air and bringing my borrowed sword to bear against him. 

Hmm. Using Gambol Shroud is proving difficult. It’s a rather clumsy weapon for me. If only I lived in some alternate reality where I learned to use my teammates’ weapons. Maybe Weiss would be the leader in that one. 

Mr. Prick is clearly annoyed by my slow, encumbered swings at him. Haphazardly blocking them with disinterest, he groans in aggravation. 

“Yo! Wee-a-boo!” I shout to him, swinging wildly.

“My name’s Adam!” he shouts back.

“Adam, I don’t get what Blake ever saw in you. You’re a trashy waifu.”

Oh, that gets him mad! He unleashes a mighty roar and swings down on my right side. Luckily I jump out of the way just in the nick of time. Speaking of nicks, I think he got me again. I’ll just swing at him and-

And now my right arm’s on the floor.

That’s just dandy. 

“Victory is mine!” he announces, immediately rushing over to Blake’s side. “And now, Blake, I shall ferry you away to the forest so that we may live happily ever-”

Slamming my boot down on the side of this wee-a-boo’s head, I konk him across the floor! It’s hard to make empty promises when someone’s shoving their boot in your face!

“I hope you like gardening!” I scream as I start jumping on the wee-a-boo, kicking and stomping the snot out of him. “Because I’m about to plant you in the ground, ya prick!” 

_**“WHAT?!”**_ he shrieks, shocked at my astounding resilience! 

“I said I’m about to plant you in the ground! The joke is that I’m gardening, and you’re a seed!” I violently explain as I continue to kick and stomp him. As he struggles to his feet, I challenge, _“Haveatchu!”_

“Bless you?” he asks before squeaking in pain as I kick him in the crotch. 

“Thank you, but I’m still going to kill you for stabbing my girlfriend,” I politely inform him. “Also for cutting off my arms.” Man, adrenaline is a powerful hormone. 

“You are indeed brave!” Mr. Prick commends as he backs away, caressing the remnants of his manhood. “But the fight is mine!” 

“Yang, just stop!” Blake pleads. “This is getting more pathetic than your fights on Newboob!” 

_**“HAVEATCHU!!!”**_ I demand as I punt this prick in crotch for a second time. Aha! Now I think I’ve got him on the ropes, for he staggers back, groveling in pain! 

_**“LOOK YOU STUPID BIMBO YOU’VE GOT NO ARMS LEFT!!!”**_ he roars, brandishing his sword in my general direction while still keeping his left hand on his crotch. 

“I don’t need arms to kick your butt or make love!” I boast. “I still got my tongue, so I can still satisfy Blake more than you ever did!” I declare, spitting it out at him for emphasis as I slam my boot into his crotch. This time, since there’s no dust involved, he actually feels that one. 

_**“HOW DARE YOU!!!”**_ he shouts as he nicks me in the leg! I won’t tolerate this anymore! I’m putting my foot dow- 

Oh. Dandy.

“You’re on your last leg,” Pricky Nicky says both literally and figuratively. I’d commend him for his cleverness, were it not for the swamp of blood I’m spewing out right now. 

“Your cleverness will not deter me from my vendetta!” I decide, careful not to slip on the floor. “I’ll give you one last swing, and then I’m going to feed you to the Grimm outside!”

“Speaking of the Grimm,” Blake comments as she continues to lay all sexy-like on the floor. “Why haven’t they gotten in here?”

“Clearly my omnipresent positive attitude is acting as a repellent to them,” I explain just as Adam brings his arm back to sever my last leg, believing me to the the fool! But it is in fact he who is the fool, for I lung ahead! 

Knocked off balance, the evil wee-a-boo slips on the floor and falls to the ground, giving me the opportunity to stomp the potential-children out of his crotch! 

As the pitch of his shrieks rises with every smashing, I proudly declare, “The bumblebee shall _**ALWAYS**_ deliver its sting, wee-a-boo!” 

"Okay!" he wheezes with well-earned suffering. "I guess we'll have to call this one a draw?"

One more stomp in the crotch, coming right up!

Right, that outta do it. Turned the tables, delivered the killing blow, gave the merchandisable one-liner, saved my girlfriend, and I guess that about wraps things up.

“Come, Blake!” I request as I hop over to her. Ignoring the wee-a-boo’s cries of agony, I offer, “I’d help you up, but I wouldn’t be able to _hand_ le it.”

“You know I love you, right?” she sighs with a grin, clutching her abdomen. Standing up, she quickly retrieves her weapons. “Because I do, Yang.” 

“I know you do, kitty cat.” Usually I’d take charge here, but all I can do is pucker up. Still, it’s enough. Making out in front of her ex, what a turnon! 

"Let's go home," Blake sighs as she wraps her arm around my torso, allowing me to lean against her as I hop along. "Then we'll mail-order some robot limbs. I've had my eye on a few vibrator models." 

Sweeet. The bleeding's stopped, thanks to my powerful aura, and I've saved the day yet again.

"That sounds dandy," I agree.

**Author's Note:**

> For the one person in the universe who doesn't get the joke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhRUe-gz690


End file.
